So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its liver damage thursday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
