I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
