If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
