Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize