Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
