so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit