Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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