I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up