non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."