Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I only kidnapped one of them. chill

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  (205): I only kidnapped one of them. chill http://tfl.nu/ogw5
  Replies (10) Good night (2953) Bad night (673)
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  (925): View more from California

  upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

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  (925): upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday http://tfl.nu/ne1r
  Replies (42) Good night (3086) Bad night (620)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.

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  (785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours. http://tfl.nu/zm6d
  Replies (17) Good night (4684) Bad night (724)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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  (417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu
  Replies (14) Good night (1075) Bad night (7781)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

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  (216): Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working http://tfl.nu/ls32
  Replies (7) Good night (1076) Bad night (3494)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

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  (403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2
  Replies (17) Good night (3055) Bad night (2575)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"

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  (403): Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters" http://tfl.nu/r2rb
  Replies (6) Good night (2553) Bad night (1316)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me

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  (203): Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me http://tfl.nu/81ac
  Replies (12) Good night (4561) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.

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  (617): she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something. http://tfl.nu/1xv3
  Replies (17) Good night (948) Bad night (3521)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  SMART GIRL

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  (978): there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's (1-978): SMART GIRL http://tfl.nu/njon
  Replies (2) Good night (1740) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

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  (613): Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET http://tfl.nu/m2li
  Replies (6) Good night (1546) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.

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  (917): I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating. http://tfl.nu/k0kr
  Replies (14) Good night (2219) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.

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  (850): I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this. http://tfl.nu/urhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1096) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You get home ok?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.

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  (404): You get home ok? (1-404): Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah. http://tfl.nu/6dv0
  Replies (2) Good night (934) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.

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  (678): I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings. http://tfl.nu/91o9
  Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (346)

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