I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom