Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so let's talk penis.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
