i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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