You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
