Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
