Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
