I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
