They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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