My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
