even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
