He felt like a one man threesome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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