I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
