By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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