He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
