he shaved USA in his pubs
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
