SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize