Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
