Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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