it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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