I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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