we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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