I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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