i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dignity is for republicans.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
