it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
