I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The adults are the big ones right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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