No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no you cant smoke seaweed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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