I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
