it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
