You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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