Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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