You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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