Jerry, you need to find god
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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