and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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