hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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