Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
