Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
