I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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