When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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