A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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