im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
