Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
