we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
