We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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