Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
