I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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