Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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