i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
