Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
