there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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