When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
