and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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