and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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