I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
