I could make wine with my vomit
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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