There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
