I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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