You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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