Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
