I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
