Small penises have feelings too.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
