he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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