Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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