You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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