Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
