i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
