then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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