Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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