so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
