Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
