Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
