woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
